alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
