I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize