Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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