You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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