Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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