these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you win again, gameday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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