So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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