I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
