Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
