You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
