Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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