I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
