guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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