one might say we're banned from that church
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
