Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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