Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
