well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
