There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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