yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
