It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
