3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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