so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
