My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
