so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
