So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
