i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
