pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You've changed since you got that strap on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
