I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
