i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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