Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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