Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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