Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
