Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
