I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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