Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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