whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
