i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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