discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
