Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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