names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
