I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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