Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
