Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
