all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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