we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
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So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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