R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
