It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
