dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
