The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
