i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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