the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
