wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
