He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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