i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
