Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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