Apparently you make a good broom.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
