I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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