I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
