first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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