I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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