I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
