he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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